How Long Will You Scream?

Last night, I asked God if he was deaf. To give you a brief description of how I've been feeling for the past month or so, I've felt like Satan grabbed me by my hair and threw me in a pit and said, "Stay there!" And when I try to crawl out, he pushes me in farther. And when I scream, "Lord, how could you let this happen?! Save me, please! Save me! Save me!" nothing happens. I'm sure a lot of other people, other than me, have felt that way and some time or another.

So, last night, I was writing in my prayer journal and I was asking God things like, "Are you deaf?" and, "How loud do I have to scream for you to come rescue me, your daughter?" and, "What are you waiting for me to say?" But then i began to think...and I realized that it's not about how loud you scream. It's about how long you keep screaming. It's about God seeing how desperate you are to get out of that pit and run to his arms. How long you'll keep fighting. Even if it means letting go of someone you love, leaving them to get out of that pit alone. And blaming God for that won't do anything. God does everything exactly how and when he means to. And sometimes it doesn't make sense, but he never said that it would. He will push you to your absolute limit.

So, when we get mad at him for not coming to our rescue right at the beginning, we're showing how mature we really are. I'm not trying to down whoever is reading this, I just want you to know.

But anyway, back to what I was saying. If we don't go through trials, then we are like children. Children are constantly looked after because they aren't strong or wise enough to stand alone. Good parents will eventually get their kids out of that. God is the same way. You won't always feel him, but he's there. And if you're ever scared or in trouble, you can go to him. But he never guarenteed that we would feel him all the time. And when you go through a time when you just don't know what to do but scream out his name, that's when he listens.

So, if you're like me and you feel like God isn't hearing you scream, don't worry. Just keep fighting. I promise, he's not deaf. He hears. But if you really want to be saved, you'll scream for as long as you can. That's what he's listening for. And the feeling won't last forever, so don't worry. That's just how God works.

"Beautifully broken, if that's who you are
Beautifully crumbling and falling apart
Perfectly crashing down on your knees
Oh, but that's how i get to your heart"

"Beautifully Broken"
Evan Milby