It's me again. Because it's Holy Week I'm really inspired to write about Easter. So that's what I'm going to do.
I used to be a... I won't say lukewarm christian, but an uneducated and naive christian. In fact, when I think about it, lukewarm sounds better to me. I didn't do drugs or drink or anything outrageous but I did sin and I didn't think twice about it. I didn't care anything about reading my bible outside of church or praying for that matter unless it was before eating(by habit). I didn't think about God that much except in church or if someone mentioned him specifically. And I think that stuff breajs his heart just as much as anything else.
But anyway, I had been doing the Easter drama at church for two or three years and I would go out and do it and that would be it. So, I had already done Palm Sunday and it was the Tuesday after Palm Sunday. I didn't know why, but Easter had been on my mind after I did Palm Sunday. So, I was in my Rules of Engagement and Purity class and it hit me, like a bomb... Jesus, an innocent and perfect man taking my place...me, the real criminal. And if whoever is reading this knows me then you know I was bawling. And I bet if you've had this experience(whether you're a man or not) you had some kind of emotional connection too. And yes, tough guys are aloud to cry. If not, you're very strong. So I got out of the class about 60 seconds early and went to the bathroom. My face was a hot mess to say the least. So a couple days went by and I was looking forward to Easter. And when it came, I was ready...or so I thought. Because when that performance started, and I know it sounds stupid, it felt real. Every cry out from Jesus was nearly impossible to bear. And even though I knew in my subconscious that it was an actor playing Jesus, I wouldn't dare look into those loving yet agonizing eyes. And every beat of the nail made me think of why it should have been me on the cross. Every beat of that cross and every cry out from Jesus made my heart sink lower and lower...he shouldn't have had to do that. But he did it anyway for me. and that makes no sense in itself. I could understand him dying for someone like Pastor Dan. But me? I'm so undeserving and so imperfect. How could he love me so much? I don't know. If you know the answer comment and tell me. It reminds me of a great song called Carried to the Table. It goes like this...
"I'm carried to the table, seated where I don't belong
carried to the table, swept away by his love
and I don't see my brokenness anymore
when I'm seated at the table of the lord
I'm carried to the table
the table of the lord"
Great song! Well, I hope at least a portion of this blog has blessed you. Have a Jesus-filled day. =]
"And God demonstrates his love for us in this; while we were still sinners
Christ died for us"
Romans 5:8
